As childbirth educators and birth doulas, we sometimes dream about our vision of the ideal birth. We see birth as a normal and natural experience. We love supporting families in labor knowing that our presence hopefully will make a difference in the outcome of their birth. We are prepared to do what ever it takes to help a family have a safe birth. Sometimes this means self-sacrifice, sleepless nights, and hours away from our families, missing birthdays and other social obligations. We don't mind, we love seeing the miracles of life unfold in front of us each and every time. We never tire watching the look on the parent's faces when they see their baby for the first time and feel their warm, wet bodies as they are placed on Mom's tummy. Tears of love and joy fill the eyes of all involved in this blessed event.

We have prepared them as best we can, so that they understand the normal challenges of labor and how to work with it. In the best case scenario we see how wonderful it is to see a laboring woman and her partner working together as a team. They are using all the techniques they have learned in class, breathing together, rocking, showering, and moving through the challenges of each stage. They have become a cohesive unit, working to birth their baby in a peaceful and loving environment. We have been invited to join the couple as their labor assistant. We offer advice, comfort and guidance. We reassure them that they are doing all the right things to have a great birth. She gives birth with dignity. She feels her innate power as a primal force helps her to birth her baby into her loving arms.

Not all births evolve into this normal, natural event. We know how birth is supposed to be and it is hard for a doula sometimes to sit back and watch things happen that may ultimately change the life events of this family. As a Bradley Method instructor for over 20 years, I have heard how some teachers tell their classes how they should not have any medical intervention. Since most childbirth educators and doulas are not medical professionals, we are doing a disservice to those we work with to have them believe that the only good birth is a completely unmedicated, vaginal delivery. Since the citywide average for cesareans is 22-28% and the epidural usage rate in this city is around 98%, we must help our clients prepare for all types of births. Our main objective should be to have a healthy Mom and Baby.

As a labor doula we vowed to provide physical and emotional support for our clients. We have developed a relationship with the birthing family that is vastly different from the medical team. We have spent hours getting to know the parents, talking about their feelings regarding birth and helping them to develop their birth plan. We have listened to their fears and helped them come to understand what might happen in labor and beyond. We want them to be good parents and feel comfortable with their decisions.

When in labor, we are not there to become confrontational with the medical team or interfere with their jobs. I feel it is important for us as professionals to become familiar with the various practices at hospitals and how certain doctors "do birth". The doctors and nurses should feel that we are all playing on the same team and have the same goals in mind. We are all interested in what is best for our clients. We do not know all the intricate details of every medical procedure or why a doctor is suggesting something should be done. We should be able to communicate as professionals and ask questions when we don't understand something. Questioning the doctor about a procedure is not challenging him/her but clarifying why they are suggesting it.

The birth of a baby should always belong to the family, not the doctor, nurse or doula. We need to be able to humble ourselves and be the servant that we were hired to be. If we go to a birth with the expectation that we can control the outcome, that our recommendations should be followed, then we are not doing the job we vowed to do. By respecting the birthing mother we are giving her a place of honor in the labor room.